WORKING THE SYSTEM
I bumped into Charlie Rich on the Shuttle to Washington this week. We hadn’t seen each other in a while. I was surprised to see him sporting a brilliant tan.
“Yeah,” he said, “I quit smoking and began putting on weight. So, I had to start working out or buy a new wardrobe.”
Have meetings on Capital Hill?
“No one has meetings on the Hill anymore. We just go there and let them work us over.”
I looked at him, knowing an explanation was coming.
“They employ the old best defense is to have a good offense rule – except they spell the word ‘offence’.”
The new administration has brought in some pretty smart people.
“Maybe, but 80% of the House of Representatives are in over their head on 90% of the subjects coming before them.”
Are you talking about this new Health Bill they came out with last week?
“Not just that. These people are only interested in one thing – making sure they get reelected next year. To do this they have to put on a show and throw their weight around. It’s all about sound bites and doing what the unions and other large contributors want them to do. Then, they get reelected and the whole thing starts all over again.”
So why do you bother?
“Are you kidding? I work the system. If I look at the country as a whole the politicians in the House are a disaster – and I mean a real disaster – I don’t use that word figuratively. But for my own affairs they are gifts from heaven. All I have to do is smile, nod, and play to their needs for getting reelected next year, and I can get anything I want.”
Doesn’t that make you part of the problem?
He looked at me as if I’d just wet my pants. “We’re all part of the problem. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do the best I can with the hand I was dealt. If it’s not me, these people will be using someone and something else to get what they want. Why do you think our education system sucks? Who owns GM? Why don’t we deal with illegal aliens? How does Barney Frank, who represents a few thousand people in Fall River, Massachusetts, have so much power? How did Nancy Pelosi get to run the place? That’s the world you and I live in. I didn’t design it, but that’s what it is. You either work the system or you better have a rich uncle who can help you send your kids to private school.”
But how can you complain when you’re aiding and abetting?
“Who’s complaining? I’m making fun. These people think they rule the world – I’m not kidding, they really do. The reality is they’re just butt boys and girls for the unions and special interests. The hardest thing for me in these sessions is keeping a straight face when these people try to appear like they know what they’re doing. I can’t exchange eye contact with their back-up staffers in the room. It would be immediate recognition of the obvious, and I’d break up laughing whenever one of them tries to repeat what some advisor with an agenda has suggested they say.”
Charlie, that’s the most cynical description of Washington in action that I’ve ever heard.
“So, come with me tomorrow. I’ll introduce you as one of my vice presidents. You can see for yourself.”
Mean it?
“Absolutely, but you’ve got to promise not to laugh . . . and you can’t cry either, or they’ll know I’ve brought in a ringer. On that kind of stuff they’re real smart.”